The world has done really great at progressing towards self-love.
Honestly, I mean that.
People are less intense about setting high bars for themselves, and they are allowing themselves to rest and take time for some “self-care”.
There has also been a stop to New Year’s Resolutions.
People think they can be silly or shame-inducing, and I have to agree on both of those fronts.
But, I think New Year’s Resolutions are great. Really. They are a good opportunity to do some self-evaluation, and set some goals.
But I think we need to take a look at the kind of resolutions we are setting, and why we are setting them.
Honestly though, I’m all for you making 2021 the year you become who you “want” to be. And I want to help you get there. Starting with three ways we go wrong when setting resolutions.
Setting goals that are absolutes/too extreme
If you love junk food, setting a goal to never eat junk food is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.
It’s not going to work, it just isn’t.
And then, when you get to the bottom of the bbq chips bag on January 2nd, you feel the shame set in and decide that New Year’s resolutions are dumb.
New Year’s Resolutions aren’t dumb, the ones you set were dumb.
Because you didn’t think realistically.
The way to change a bad habit (which I have a blog post all about- read it here) is to set little baby goals. Goals we know we can keep, and that sound fun to us.
So- with the junk food example- perhaps we decide to eliminate junk food on Tuesdays. That’s it. On Tuesdays, we put the bbq chips away and pull out something a little healthier.
Or perhaps, no junk food after 9 PM.
Maybe you replace bbq chips with a more healthy kind with less sodium.
It really doesn’t matter what it is, but set something that sounds doable. And underestimate yourself. Underpromise and overdeliver. If you think you can handle working out 3 days a week, make it a goal to work out 2 days a week instead. And then if you get a third day, that’s just a bonus.
Setting too many goals
Sometimes we get out our adorable journal, cute pens, and go to write those resolutions and we just get on a roll. We come up with about a million things we want to do differently in 2021.
This is just as detrimental as setting an unrealistic goal. Because when we set that many, we are trying to focus on all of them, and therefore focus on none of them.
If you want to make a real resolution, something you will stick to and focus on, I would reccommend setting 1 or 2.
What’s so awesome about this is in 3-4 months if you have those down, you can totally set more. It doesn’t have to be a one and done thing.
Instead of writing out a million resolutions, instead write out how you are going to do this. This could include:
- What days of the week/times of day
- Your big WHY
- Your affirmations for when you mess up
- Your affirmations for when you don’t feel like doing it
- How you will know you are meeting your goal
That way, you can have your adorable page of resolutions and a solid plan for how you are going to make it happen.
We use shame as a motivator
It is so tempting to set resolutions because we hate the way we are now.
We think shame is the way to perpetuate change.
People trying to lose weight tell themselves “you’re fat. Go to the gym. Put down the chips. You suck.”
Sometimes this works.
But it doesn’t last.
You know what does last?
“Whys’ ” like: “I love who I am now. I think I am beautiful. And because of that, I want to cultivate and care for my body.”
Shame is not the way to your goals. Self-compassion is. I promise.
It’s really hard to explain why it works so much better, but trust me when I say it does.
Although there are other ways to improve our goal setting and love ourselves in 2021, I hope these 3 mistakes can help you get on a nice track for the new year.
To wrap up:
Set a goal you can keep.
Don’t set too many.
Love yourself and don’t shame yourself.
Happy New Year- I love you guys. Stay calm.